Anthony Rick: My Brain Bin

Regarding Internal Receiver Noise in the Kenwood TS-2000

2010-07-16T12:58:00.008-05:00

I have taken a bit of interest in recent reports of internally generated noise, described as static crashes, occurring in the TS-2000 receiver. This problem has been reported in transceivers purchased in the last few years (around the time I purchased one) and has been attributed to CF1, CF2, and CF4, the 455 kHz ceramic IF filters. I would like to summarize this issue and share my thoughts.

It has been reported on various user groups and elsewhere on the web that the ceramic filters, manufactured by Toko, have been failing due to a manufacturing flaw in recent production run. Owners have reported that, after replacement with new stock filters, the symptomatic static crashes disappear and the problem appears to be fixed.

Others have noted that such ceramic filters require DC blocking in an active circuit, as indicated by the manufacturer. In the TS-2000, these filters encounter a DC voltage as they are switched with diodes (D68-71), but no DC blocking exists. There is evidence that adding DC blocking capacitors to the filter outputs also cures this noise problem.

On a related note, many TS-2000 users have reported other cases of receiver noise. Some have sited the switching diodes on the BPF board as the source. A popular modification has been to replace these with Schottky diodes, but the reported real world results seem subjective and inconsistent. In the first TS-2000 I owned, I recall a perceptible change in the main receivers noise floor depending on whether the sub receiver was powered on or off, even if the sub receiver was muted.

I hypothesize that these problems result from the absence of a DC blocking capacitor at the outputs of various ceramic filters. Replacing the filter may only be a temporary fix unless DC blocking is incorporated. I also suspect that this problem may relate to other reports of internally generated noise in other production runs of the TS-2000.

What does DC voltage do to ceramic filters? When a DC voltage is present across the plates of the filter, particles of dust, oxidation, etc., collect on the surface and begin to form a (poorly) conducting bridge. This becomes a source of internal noise (liken it to a dirty AF gain pot or headphone jack but in the IF stage). SV8YM reports this concern in other transceivers on his website: http://sv8ym.blogspot.com/2010/07/mysterious-case-of-withering-filters.html

I suspect that Toko filters may not be electrically faulty, but imperfections in their epoxy resin seal are allowing airflow and foreign contaminants to reach the internal components. This would result in oxidation and the formation of conducting bridges described above. It may very well be that recently produced filters are more leaky and result in the sudden onset of receiver noise being reported. This would also suggest that other batches are sealed more tightly, but may still become problematic over time, increasing receiver noise at a rate less noticeable my the user (I wonder how many reports of a high noise floor in the TS-2000 are from radios purchased used, and several years old). This is similar to the change in performance characteristics that can occur in imperfectly sealed vacuum tubes.

This is my suggestion for owners of the TS-2000 who experience internally generated noise in the receiver: Replace the ceramic filters that have been implicated in this problem AND have them installed with DC blocking capacitors (10nf has reportedly been used). This should solve the sudden onset of static crash type noise that has been reported as well as the possibility of noise developing overtime. I plan to perform this modification prophylactically my TS-2000 I currently own and will post result. If anyone else tries it please send a comment and report your experience.

You Are Different.

2010-04-22T19:08:00.004-05:00

You are diffent.

When the rock was falling you were the first to spot it. Why did you not run to flee with the rest of us as it came so near.

"It because I have learned to believe my eyes. You see, when I was young they called me clumsy so I was sent to learn vision at a school for the blind."

And as the train whistle blew you turned your ears. Why did you stay still as the rest of us leaped from the tracks in fearing our lives.

"It is because my ears do not lie. As a child I they will call to me but I still stayed outside to play my play. They accused of poor hearing and forced to away to a school for the deaf."

So how is it you have returned so different. You see things we cannot, and hear things we never will.

"It is because those who accoused me of poor sight were those afraid of being unseen.

"Those who called my world was silent were had yelled and yelled but remained unheard.

Among those who reach out their hands to see, I had no fear of being unseen.

Being with the ones who directed their eyes to listen, they showed me peace in remaining silent while still being heard."

Open Letter from a Single Mortal Heart.

2010-01-03T02:35:00.079-06:00

Dear Love,

I know that I am merely a man; foolish, blind, and clumsy; and I suspect that you should not be concerned with a matter of a single mortal heart; being the driving force of human history, the focus of every holy book, the fuel of hope, and the gemstone of our existence; but it is with the utmost urgency that I should contact you directly. You see, although us men have learned of you in vivid detail from the very moment of our birth, and your presence permeates down to the molecules of our minds, I fear that you are being threatened by an imposter. This is the concern that I bring.

From my earliest memories I carried a belief of knowing you well, for that face has been recognized in absolute clarity. It was you who appeared as a warm glow before revealing the face of my own mother. Wasn’t it your touch that calmed me as an infant? I thought it was you who turned my eyes towards beauty. Every path to rapture has been well lit. Wasn’t it you who showed me the way? And each time I have seen that face it has become a little easier to see again, in every person and every object in my presence. And each time I have been touched by you something grew inside me, and unexplainably, as I gave you away, I did not become empty, I became full.

So as I have done my best to dedicate my life to you, and carry you with me, your path has brought me to a great terror. Your path has lead me through a tortuous cavern. At its entrance was the same light that has nurtured me and given me life. IT WAS YOU! What is true if I can’t be sure of your face? I recognized you with every essence of my being. So as I passed through, I opened myself to you just as I always have. I surrendered my defenses, my judgment, my pride. I moved deep into each crevice, blindly, with trust. But as I moved deeper I became frightened. I stared at your face and something seemed unfamiliar. Suddenly it was cold. When I entered, you had filled my core, but deep within the confines of this strange place I was being drained to an empty vessel. While the space remained illuminated, my vitality became weak. The walls reflected an unsettling hue; while unto your face I gazed, I looked right through like a stranger passing in my field of vision. Who was this imposter?

I saw that face in a person. It was there in her eyes. It was you Love, it had to be, do you remember?

Do you remember when I kissed her? Do you remember how she stayed still for a moment and then thrust her lips onto mine? Do you remember when she kissed me again and again? I was engulfed in a warmth that night and I was sure that it was you covering my body.

One night we removed our clothing and pressed our bodies together closer than ever before. We remained that way all night and through most of the day. We held each other. I felt her hands brailling every curve of my body. We left the bed only to eat an afternoon breakfast, where we sat for the other half of the day. Although clothing protected our bodies, we remained naked. I revealed my inner depths; she lead me into hers. I watched her become vulnerable as she shared her pain. I saw tears form in her eyes. Then this woman grabbed my hand and ran with me into the darkness. We ran all the way to the lake. It was cold, the ground covered in ice and snow, but we still made it to the waters edge. I was her barrier from the cold as I sat on a frozen rock and pulled her to my lap. The great lake was ours alone. The winter wind pulled violent waves that crashed at our feet. Droplets sprayed through the air and froze into needels as they stung my cheek. We sat quietly, we talked, and then we kissed. We kissed long and hard in that black frozen air. We walked back, our hands knotted together, and when we returned we piled our clothing on the floor. These moments of ecstasy where dripping with you, Love. If it wasn’t you glistening in those frozen droplets, in the glow of our passion, then I must warn you of some skilled impersonator mimicking you precisely!

Do you remember when we bathed together? She was there too. I held her against my body as the warm water washed over us. She raised her chin, resting it on my chest. Our parallel caverns aligned. I was fixated, obsessed, staring into her eyes because I could see you so clearly. Often I have to strain my eyes to see you, but for that moment you revealed yourself openly.

When I told her what I had seen,

She asserted that I was mistaken.

She told me,

That you, Love,

Were never there.

I hope you find this letter in haste, because the very question of your existence is at stake. Whose word should I trust? Do I trust a lifetime surrounded by your presence, seeing you, feeling you? Never before had I seen you and felt you so plainly, yet your very source has denied you. Should I plea insanity and believe that these events have been imagined? I'd prefer such a shattered mind over a bleak concession: that it was not you, Love; because it would mean that you have never been with me.

From,

A Single Mortal Heart

Written by Anthony Scott Rick
Those Eyes by Anthony Scott Rick
Kiss by Alex Gray
The Kiss by Gustav Klimt
Echo and Narcissus by John William Waterhouse
Water from the Same Source by Rachel's

Riding the Dragon

2009-12-27T14:35:00.032-06:00

I am here because I have chosen to ride the dragon, to face those terrifying eyes I have met again and again behind that reappearing door. Compelled as I am to slam the door and flee, to repeat a familiar drama, this time I will mount the beast, fearlessly.

But I am not fearless by courage,
I am fearless by submission,
From jade.

For so long I have struggled, taking a pathless trek through the roughage, trying to avoid the fate awaiting me behind this door. This journey has brought me into the bondage of apathy; but for once, as those mean yellow eyes appeared behind the door,

I did not retreat.

I stepped forward.

The beast was caught by such surprise she began to shiver. She cowered away as I caressed her hard scaly face, and I saw something in her for the first time. It was vulnerability. As I moved my hand up her face, over her head and between her shoulders, I felt her body soften. In this moment her beaming eyes lowered to a soft glow and I saw my own reflection. I realized that we are a system. I have been the one to open the door with a gasp, glare at her as a monster, and slam it shut in retreat. And retreat to what? A mundane existence? For many years this drama has hardened her skin and watered a garden of self loathing, growing into horrified eyes. So in our surrender, it is not defeat, but an overdue realization that we are not enemies.

Finally, we might lower our defenses and retire from this exhausting life as warriors. In this understanding she kneeled, and a deep calm filled the infinite figment of space behind her door. I continued to caress her back as I mounted her, and as she rose to her legs and spread her wings, I leaned into her ear and whispered that truth I had hidden inside me like I might hide a needle by swallowing it.

The paver of this seemingly relentless path,
Has been pulling and tugging at my tired soul,
Not to punish, but to lead me home.
For this was merely the path to love.

From a torn notebook paper

2009-12-25T17:24:00.005-06:00

Our father, who art in Washington, Johnson be thy name.
Give us this day our monthly pay and forgive us our AWAL,
As we forgive those you mark it against us.
Lead us not into police action but deliver us from Vietnam,
And give all our honor rank and glory to the National Guard,
Draft dodgers, and party raiders,
Who stay behind and entertain,
Our wives and girlfriends while we are overseas.
By god, help them when we return!

--PFC Nicholas C Rick

.................The Thralls of Life................

2009-12-16T00:57:00.012-06:00

The thralls of life.

What beautiful bondage we find ourselves in.

..........................two..........................

2009-12-15T19:42:00.016-06:00

Consciousness,
Is,
Choice.

This is a love story,
Preserved and hidden in a great fortress,
Impenetrable by reason,
And rightly so.

Consciousness,
Is,
Choice.

...

Limit the Sanity

2009-12-09T18:18:00.006-06:00

Throughout life we settle into routines. This is natural; every animal desires stability. What is unnatural; however, is the human world. While the animal forever strives to arrive at an equilibrium; a state of sustained food sources, mating options, shelter, danger avoidance, etc., the hand of chaos maintains the gradient. In the human word, it is possible for many inhabitants to find an equilibrium. While our intuition suggests we adapt routines to reinforce the unperturbed life, the result is inevitabley boredom, stagnation, and apathy. It is the responsibility of these humans to elevate their disorder back to the natural level of chaos. What does this mean? Once in a while, zig when your animal senses tell you to zag. Do something consciously against your better judgment. Take a sick day and go see a movie by yourself. Don't suffocate your heart in an attempt to keep it safe. Take the risk, even if your conditioning suggests it will lead to pain. Sometimes you have to be purposefully masochistic if you want to discover rapture, exaltation, and love. These things are not always placed conveniently in the pantry of your clean, organized kitchen. They can be anywhere: at the end of a rainy hike through a muddy trail, in a conversation with an old lady, a ride on the teeter totter with a child, and often in the mundane if you pay attention

Descriptions ~1989

2009-11-26T14:14:00.002-06:00

My descriptin is adowt cars cars are a varye usefel thing dut thae ara bad in sum wase too beacas thae pulute. so thae mace new cars that run on new full. the new cars will be sawld in the year 2000. the cars run on sun, chargidel car badiries and compres air.

Describe what you have read in 15 min

Tony sead "read 15 minits, and you will be a better reader"

Write 6 observations

ther are meny weeds in the pond. catfish sumtimes live in the pond but not all the time. shakes sumtimse liv in the pond. fish alwas liv in a pond. menny things liv in a pond. a waterstrider livs in a pond decus it flys over the water and eats insex.

Eating Fortune

2009-11-21T14:49:00.007-06:00

In me is a hunger
I check the cupboard
At first glance it appears empty,
But, alas!
Nearly out of view in the back corner,
I have found my sustenance.
A seemingly endless box of fortune cookies
How long can this go on?

Acoustic Guitar Setup

2009-11-13T19:35:00.026-06:00

Thanks to cheap labor and mass manufacturing in China, there is a surprisingly wide variety of acoustic guitars available for around $100. So what separates these cheap guitars from those costing five or ten times as much? Modern manufacturing can maintain a relatively high build quality, so the extra money mainly goes towards using rare woods and the additional hand labor for precise set-up. It is my opinion that inexpensive guitars sound fine but can be a little awkward to play . With a little time and care though, it is possible to setup one of these inexpensive guitars with the playability of one costing ten times as much. Here are the adjustments that usually need to be made.

1) Adjust the Truss Rod

The truss rod is used to provide counter tension against the strings to keep the neck in the proper position. It is not used for adjusting the action, this is done in later steps at the nut and bridge. The head of the truss rod is accessed at the top of the neck or from within the sound hole depending on the guitar.

http://www.taylorguitars.com/global/pdfs/truss_rod_adjustment.pdf

To check the tension on the neck, first make sure the guitar is properly tuned. Then place a capo on the first fret and press down the first string at the 14th fret. Now check the clearance at the 6th fret. You should be able to just fit a piece of heavy card stock (index or business card) under the string at the 6th fret. Tighten the truss rod to decrease the clearance. Loosen the truss rod to increase the clearance.

2) Check the Neck Angle

Most setup guides that I have referenced seem to skip over this crucial step. Ideally the neck should be mounted onto the guitar body with a very slight angle; with no tension in the strings and the guitar laying on its back, the neck should be angled slightly downward so that the top of the fretboard is on the same plane as the guitar body. With a straight edge against the body of the guitar, the neck should decline until the top of the fretboard is inline with the straight edge right before the nut.

This is what a correct neck angle should look lke:

Here is the neck angle on a $80 guitar I picked up recently. It does have a slight angle, but in the wrong direction:

With the proper neck angle, the plane of the fretboard should intersect the top of the bridge. This can also be confirmed with a straightedge. Unfortunately the neck angle is fixed when the neck is mounted to the body and cannot be adjusted unless it is detached and reseated. Of the inexpensive guitars I have evaluated, this specification seems to be most variable. One solution may be to sneak a straight edge into the music store and inspect the guitar before purchasing. But if your goal is to save a few dollars you’ll probably be shopping online for the best deal and will be unable to inspect it before buying.

This is how a poor neck angle affects the alignment with the bridge:

Since we can’t easily change the plane of the neck, the only option is to adjust the bridge. I sanded off about 1/8 of an inch to get the bridge inline with the fretboard.

Since thickness of the bridge can affect the sound of the guitar, I decided to cut a few string grooves at the rear of the bridge as apposed to lowering the entire surface, as seen in the picture.

The bridge is lowered to the plane of the fretboard:

3) Adjusting the Nut.

After fixing any problems with the truss rod or neck angle you can start adjusting the action at the nut. This is done by pressing each string down after the second fret and checking the clearance above the first. The clearance should be adjusted to the thickness of an index card:

Reduce the clearance by carefully filing down the string grooves with a thin needle file:

Once the nut is adjusted I recommend lubricating the grooves with a teflon based machine oil. This will prevent the strings from burrowing down further into the nut as they are tuned. It also prevent burrs from forming and catching against the string, causing it to brake when tuning the guitar.

4) Adjusting the Saddle

The height of the saddle is the main component in determining the action. Only begin adusting the action at the saddle after you have completed all of the other steps. It is adjusted by removing material with sandpaper and a sanding block:

The top should be slightly contoured to allow the thinnest strings to sit a little lower. The overall action varies based on preference but a clearance of 3/16” above the 12th fret is a typical rule of thumb. I recommend buying a few acoustic guitar saddles (I found them online for $1.50 each) to allow the freedom to experiment and find the best setup.

The final action:

Here is a look at the finished bridge and saddle after a fresh coat of varnish:

**One note: If you change the gauge of your strings you should double check the truss rod and bridge. Thicker strings will produce more tension and will need a bit more force to counter it. Also, they require greater force against the fretboard so you may want to lower the action at the saddle to compensate. If you plan to try a new string gauge then you should plan on ordering a new saddle also.

Going through these steps may take some time but it will be worth the effort. Now that you know what to look for, the next time you walk through a guitar shop check these parameters on a few guitars and you will be surprised at how variable the factory setup can be. It will put a smile on your face when you compare the playability of your properly adjusted $80 guitar to some costing several hundreds of dollars but still in need a little work.

TITLE

2009-11-04T02:20:00.000-06:00

BUILDING MODELS IN THE SKY

Warrior Chant

2009-11-03T14:41:00.011-06:00

我是一个渴望伟大的荣誉，勇气和力量的人。
不管多少消极力量阻挡在我面前，
我的坚强意志终将战胜！

In my daily quest I strive towards great honor,

Courage and strength

Despite retaliation by negative forces in this great battle

My strong will is bound for victory!

Anthony Scott Rick

(With help from Fan Wu)

ART DAY

2009-10-29T23:26:00.015-05:00

Æsthetic Theory

2009-10-25T22:43:00.028-05:00

Epistemology: The study of knowledge. Here I use a specialized meaning to describe the method by which one attains knowledge.

Ontology: In computer science and information science, an ontology is a formal representation of a set of related concepts within a domain. In philosophy it refers to a particular philosophical school of thought. Here I am using an updated definition that combines both. An ontology is the collection of ideas that define a personal view of reality. An ontology is compiled based on epistemology. It is the perceptual reality.

Here I am not referring to a theory on æsthetics but a particular view of reality based on ideas that are scientifically untestable. It is shaped by religious belief, ones will, desire, or other nonscientific epistemology. In other words, a conclusion that has been formed from æsthetics as apposed to a testable hypothesis is what I am defining as æsthetic theory. Before I go on I should say that it is not my intention to qualify a view of reality based on æsthetics as superior or inferior to that based on science, but simply to make a distinction between the two.

Nearly every aspect of our world view is shaped by scientific discoveries, but many core pronciples are not. How we judge the value of human life, what makes life meaningful, and countless other areas of a personal metaphysics for example. Even the atheist must make a metaphysical leap but in the negative, trusting that the body of scientific knowledge is complete and forming a world view based on what has NOT been suggested by science. A view of reality will rely on ones own æsthetic theories for pressing issues that are not addressed by science.

Where is this a problem? The scientific method has proven itself to be the most powerful and productive tool for probing the physical world. However, it is still necessary to call science a particualar epistomology and not the epistomology. As mentioned above there are many questions that remain unreachable by this method so it is inevitable that we form an ontology from some æsthetic theories. The problem occurs when one denies a scientifically verifiable phenomenon on the grounds of æsthetics. For example, a religious fundamentalist places a religious text above any other epistemology. This results in a direct refutation of sound scientific principles. In the case of Christian fundamentalistm, it lead to the rejection of biological evolution, almost all of cosmology, and many aspects of geology. This approach can only lead to a severely flawed and incomplete view of reality.

Throughout human experience we develop a unique view of reality. Much of this will be based on science, but the rest comes from other sources. Our contribution of unscientific aspects to our ontology comes from æsthetic theories. In developing an ontology, care must be taken not to refute an observable, repeatable scientific theory for æsthetic reasons. By defining an æsthetic theory, it allows us to distinguish ideas that are scientific and have a conscious understanding of what aspects of our perceptual reality are the result of æsthetics.

2009-10-16T00:20:00.002-05:00

"The legal and philosophic aspects of obedience are of enormous importance, but they say very little about how most people behave in concrete situations. I set up a simple experiment at Yale University to test how much pain an ordinary citizen would inflict on another person simply because he was ordered to by an experimental scientist. Stark authority was pitted against the subjects' [participants'] strongest moral imperatives against hurting others, and, with the subjects' [participants'] ears ringing with the screams of the victims, authority won more often than not. The extreme willingness of adults to go to almost any lengths on the command of an authority constitutes the chief finding of the study and the fact most urgently demanding explanation.

Ordinary people, simply doing their jobs, and without any particular hostility on their part, can become agents in a terrible destructive process. Moreover, even when the destructive effects of their work become patently clear, and they are asked to carry out actions incompatible with fundamental standards of morality, relatively few people have the resources needed to resist authority."

Stanley Milgram, The Perils of Obedience

Pipe Cleaner Flower

2009-10-14T00:49:00.018-05:00

On this night was given
From a tiny gift shop
A single pipe cleaner flower.
Will it bloom?

We shared a moment
We walked through the tropics among fruit bearing trees
Then walked through the desert,
Past cacti with thorns hidden in soft wool
You gazed around, taking in these strange surroundings,
While my wonderment stayed fixed on you
For I had been in this place before.

We emerged from these exotic lands
I was uncertain about taking your hand
You lead me to the tiny room of trinkets and pulled it from the rack
And when you weren't looking I claimed it for a memory
Did you see me?

We talked on the way
And just before you had gone
I pulled from my jacket the pipe cleaner flower
And sweet terrifying wonderment remains
Will it bloom?

Innocence

2009-10-07T02:16:00.006-05:00

This is incomprehensible. It is futile to try to understand. It is clear why this is the topic of music, poetry and dreams. The only words that keep rising are lost innocence. Lost innocence. It is looking back through a box of memories.

There is a note, a notebook page torn in half, folded. Surrounding the words is art, swirls and curly q’s that lead into the stem and pedals of a flower. Within the squiggles is her name. The name of my lover who placed the note in my mailbox those years ago. I read the note and fall again. But for whom? This person no longer exists. There is a shell out there who carries some resemblance, and maybe a similar memory. But she is a stranger. And there is no grave to visit. Even this letter cannot serve as an epitaph because in my hand it is very much alive and it remains electric with an old passion. So what to do?

There is a picture from nearly a decade ago. When we lived only for possibility. There was no I, or you, life had barely started. Even then we had no purpose but to dream. We had no warning that one choice can change you. When you pick one path over another you will never escape it.. In this photograph I see a seed. All our wants were good. We wanted to be happy. We chased desire, love, compassion, success.. And what about now? Of course there are remnants of the casing, but there is no longer a seed. There are stems, branches and at their ends some are even beginning to blossom. We can trace them back to a root, but we can never go back. Along the way there is pain. We have made mistakes. We have lied, we have cheated and stolen. Now we are judged. These winding branches tell a story. We have become something. We have a past on which opinions can be formed.

In the present I am taking a break from time. I am seeing events of the past in every dimension. I carry a great yearning. This box overflows with the food of my hunger, but I am a shadow as I try to consume it. Love? Friendship? Experience? Wisdom? It is all here in great multitudes, but the bearers of these desires have long vanished. All that is left are ornaments to preserve them in essence.

Living Buddha, Living Christ

2009-09-26T16:00:00.002-05:00

This is the title of a book by Thích Nhất Hạnh, a Buddhist monk from Vietnam and recipient of the 1967 Nobel Peace Prize. The book explores how practicing Jews and Christians have integrated elements of Zen Buddhism to enhance their religious experience. I’ve been thinking about this topic recently after a few conversations with a Christian friend of mine. We were talking about the differences between a religious practice that goes along with attending a church service and practicing a philosophical tradition such as Zen Buddhism or Taoism. The difference being that such philosophies provide an abstract framework on which one constructs a set of beliefs and practices (this may or may not include belonging to a religious institution) while a religion provides a well defined creed, or preassembled world view for the adherent. It appears that there is something endemic in western thinking that favors the ordered, systematic and methodological.

I have stumbled upon a great example of this recently as I have tried to learn some of the Indian musical scales. In the west we might take a course in music theory, and learn the rules for constructing chords and melodies. We are taught that a piece of music has a finite set of musical notes that are allowed over a particular key. This is a very comforting, and agreeable to the mind. Someone who has studied western music may encounter a bit of mental dissonance in trying to understand eastern musical styles. Sure, Indian music has a defined set of tones; Sa, Re, Ga, Ma, Dha, Ni, Sa, but the modes are less well defined. Adding a flat and a sharp at particular intervals is more stylistic. How daunting it is to the western mind to say “here are some loose guidelines, but there are no rules. It is a matter of your own style to develop your own set of rules that will manifest your unique and beautiful music. Have fun!”

Notes from Oliver Sacks lecture

2009-09-20T19:09:00.003-05:00

"We see with the eyes, but we see with the brain as well. And seeing with the brain is often called imagination, and we are familiar with the landscapes of our own imagination, our inscapes, we have lived with them all of our lives. But there are also hallucinations as well, and hallucinations are completely different. They don't seem to involve creation, they don't seem to be under control, they seem to come from the outside, and to mimic perception."

--> Perhaps we can say that an ego driven existence is a hallucination, it is a surrender of the imagination.

Palinopsia: (Greek: palin for "again" and opsia for "seeing") is a visual disturbance that causes images to persist to some extent even after their corresponding stimulus has left.

http://www.ted.com/talks/oliver_sacks_what_hallucination_reveals_about_our_minds.html

Lyrics: Stillness and Silence (Song for Aiden)

2009-09-19T23:07:00.007-05:00

Rest now little one, so much to take on.
This world will make you a fighter as you hang on to your innocence.
When you hear words with jagged edges let them fall, to rot on the ground
Walk right by, don’t believe them and they’ll never hurt you
Heartless expectations the world will place on you,
But if you want a soul, find your own way don’t let them define you

If they hold you down and fasten chains
Don’t swallow the false truths you are fed
So you may stay free
A myth has been made out of love and the distance to the heavens
But I promise you it all is real, it all is real

Lay still young one, all your strength you’ll need
As you plow your way to who you are and what your meant to be
Don’t forget to remember that time is a gift not a curse
Immerse yourself, feel every moment that passes by

A restless soul will seek to be consumed by distraction
In this time seek stillness and silence, answers will come
They will try to ground you as you elevate
They don’t understand the higher law beyond human hands

If they hold you down
If they fasten chains
Don’t believe their lies
And you will stay free
A myth has been made out of love and the distance to the heavens
But I promise you it all is real, it all is real

Leo Buscaglia Quote

2009-09-19T12:44:00.002-05:00

"Love is not a commodity. Nobody has ever given love away and then been without it."

The One Resolve 2005-05-04

2009-09-17T01:17:00.012-05:00

The One Resolve

I cannot be the one to personify God. I cannot identify which theistic model has painted the most accurate picture. What I am nearing, however, is a clearer realization of my own interaction with the universe and the forces that permeate through the self.

What is becoming clear is that we are the objects of great love. Even with ever branching flaws and growing sin, We will always be met with greater mercy. And as we fail to recognize the presence, we are befallen to greater agony. Often, we are brought to a living death before we are willing to acknowledge the desperate attempts to be reached by God.

We do not endure suffering to be punished. Suffering is only the result of the growing weight that divides in us as we sloth.
To continue moving, we must recognize our pain and conquer it.

We remain nimble to the extent by which we become greater. This is the only will which is imposed upon us. This is the one resolve that the universe will bend and tear to reach. Only as instruments to this process do we become entangled in the creases.

Here we occasionally bleed. Here our souls are bruised and our hearts are torn, but this is the realm where beauty and possibility can continue without bound.

Without knowing how or why, this is the plane of our existence. This is the landscape on which we move. Our only responsibility is to realize the pleas of our conscious universe and recognize its only desperate end—that we reach our true self.

Quote

2009-09-16T01:10:00.000-05:00

"And what is good, Phaedrus,
And what is not good
Need we ask anyone to tell us these things?"
— Robert M. Pirsig

Kitchen Drawer Thermodynamics

2009-09-15T00:51:00.000-05:00

Let organization fall into a multitude of orders: primary secondary, tertiary, quaternary, etc. At the primary level, objects of similar function are grouped to share one order of spatial habitat. For instance, let's define our objects as spatula, George Foreman, blender, ladle, and flatware. A kitchen of primary organization would house all of these items in the phase space of Kitchen with each object being located randomly within this set. That is, finding any of these objects in any cupboard or drawer will occur with equal likelihood. It is even allowable that George Foreman and Ladle be found in the same drawer.

In the case of secondary organization, kitchen is further divided into an additional dimension of phase space to include groups within each drawer and cupboard. At this level, one may group small appliances, such as blender and George Foreman into a single space. Similarly, ladle and spatula may share a drawer. A further expansion into tertiary arrangements may require a flatware organizer within each drawer to separate tools for feeding from those used in food preparation.

Although it may be tempting to invoke still higher dimensional organization, this author has concluded that such ordered systems are unnecessary. In fact, only in limiting cases are tertiary arrangements necessary. The cost of maintaining such higher ordered systems rises exponentially as thermodynamic driving forces produce higher levels of entropy. In most cases, simple primary and secondary organization will suffice.

The Murkey Bottom 2005-03-16

2009-09-14T23:14:00.000-05:00

The Murky Bottom

With a new experience comes a new challenge,

And if you find yourself worthy,
A new understanding of the holy wisdom contained.

We probe the river bottom of the material world

And constantly stir up new silt,
But upon watching carefully, flakes of gold are drawn to the surface,
Each grabs a fraction of time as it meets the sunlight

And shows itself in a sudden speckle of light.

Finding these gifts which have been hidden for us,

Within our surroundings, throughout our duration,

Will require that we probe the murky bottom.

While we emerge with new knowledge, we cannot escape unscaved

We return to the surface to find ourselves changed,

Our skin thickend, our being tainted and covered

In the slightest layer of silt.

This is Liberation 2007-12-19

2009-09-14T22:51:00.001-05:00

This is liberation:

To recognize that you are intelligent
Yet relieved you're not the most

To mispronounce in front of a crowd
Just like everyone who spoke before you

To be elevated in your best shirt
Even with those around you
Much better dressed

Can you recognize what is beautiful
Without needing to possess it?

Will you still respect his words
Even though he didn’t show you favor?

What about her work?
Can you be moved by her creation?
While knowing it triumphs over your own?

Because it is my guess
That her design was once more flawed than yours
But she was moved by the greatness before her
And mobilized to give
That is what you see now

If you truly can,
With clear vision
Then you are free

The Ego Sieve

2009-09-14T22:33:00.000-05:00

He worked vehemently to sieve out the ego contaminants,
To a serum of purity,
Only to find his jewel lined cruet full of his most vivid infatuations.

Frustrated, yet undeterred, he set off distilling these desires,
Undressing them to their nakedness,
Hoping the great heat may purge them from his soul.

Vexed, he watched his erotic adventures,
And moments of indignation float away,
But bound to them he could see flickering specks of the divine;
Elements of his holiness vaporized as well.

And on the ground he remained,
As he was.
A mass of ego and desire,
Evenly shed.